Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
