I just saw a hot homeless man
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
