Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize