How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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