If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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