I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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