I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
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