Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
True strength comes from lack of pants
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
