I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize