Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
