Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
