I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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