fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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