I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize