My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You smell like stripper and shame
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
