At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
