if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
