I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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