i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
