Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize