did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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