I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
