I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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