Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
