It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
