I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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