I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
