I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
