If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
