You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
