Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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