I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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