I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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