i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
