I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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