dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Text me some of your sweat
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
