Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
