you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
