I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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