I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
youre lurking in front of me
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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