They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
