i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
of course. lets lasso hookers.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
