I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
