I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize