She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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