shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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