i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
