he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
