My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
it's like heaven, but drunker
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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