Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
