I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
