I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
