You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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