Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
