im holly from the hills drunk
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
