Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
