I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
