The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
