I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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