someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
