Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
