Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
