Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
