where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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