Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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