I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize