it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
