Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
