why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
