allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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