grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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