we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
did i just pee glitter
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
