so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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