What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
