It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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