ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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