You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
