I'm gonna have a badass scar
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize