she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
