i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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